I’m entering a new stage of motherhood, and I don’t like it one bit.

My son, now a teenager, is starting to have girlfriends.

UGH!

Granted, these are “relationships” in only the loosest sense of the word. They text. They hang out in groups. They sometimes talk on the phone. For the most part, their status is defined more by a label than any deep, meaningful connection.

But it’s still hard for this momma’s heart. Especially when I start seeing red flags pop up all over one of my son’s “love interests.”

The girl in question was a friend of a friend who had been introduced to my son and, after a few days of chatting, asked him to be her boyfriend. He, of course, was thrilled; usually he is the one doing the asking. And, at first, she seemed sweet. They talked a lot, sent each other gifts, and both seemed pretty giddy about the blooming relationship.

But then things started to change. She started not picking up when he called her. Her text responses were one word answers. She kept begging off attempts to meet up, even in groups. My son kept trying and trying o restore the lost connection, but it was to no avail. This girl kept pulling away.

And crushing my son in the process.

It broke my heart.

I decided it was time to have a little chat with him. My inner 90’s girl was screaming to pull out the standard “She’s just not that into you” line, but I knew I needed to be a little gentler than that. As best I could, I explained that relationships had to be mutual in order to succeed; there is both a “give” and a “take” on the part of both parties. It takes action and reception. If either of these two are lacking–which they clearly were at the point, with my son doing all the “giving”–the relationship would become toxic and doomed to fail.

It was a hard lesson to learn, especially for my sensitive son who had jumped in feet first, ready to give with his whole heart.

But I don’t think its a difficult lesson limited to just teenagers or first loves.

It made me think a lot about my relationship with God. Because that’s what “religion” is actually supposed to be: a relationship between man and His Creator. Ours is not a far-off, distant God, but One who expresses over and over again in His Word His desire to be close in all ways.

Take for example 1 John 1: 1-9:

“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life— the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us— that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ.” (emphasis mine)

“Fellowship with the Father and his Son Jesus Christ?” And what is fellowship but a meeting together of friends, people who are in relationship with one another, to pursue a common goal or interest?

Need more?

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” (Revelation 3:20)

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14)

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8)

*All emphasis mine*

“To,” “with,” “among”….these are not words that describe a distant God but One who is PRESENT, who is engaged, and who is ever-pursing a relationship with you and with me.

But remember that whole “give” and “take” thing I discussed with my son? I think the same principle applies here. A relationship requires mutual action on the part of both participants. I can’t just sit passively by, wanting my life to be better, my spirit to grow stronger, my relationship with God to grow deeper. I can’t just always be the recipient.

I also need to give.

I need to give my time. I need to give my attention. I need to give my sin (ouch). I need to give my fears, my worries, my anxieties, my need for control.

And I need to give my worship.

My praise.

My love.

Friends, if you are in a place where your relationship with God seems stagnant or struggling, may I suggest–with all love and grace–that you take a hard look at the dynamics? Are you only willing to “take” with Him, but not give? Are there things you are holding back while still insisting He give all (side note: He already did 😉)?

God desires a relationship with us. But a relationship cannot exist without “give” and “take.”

Give it all to Him, friends. I promise He will return it with more extravagance than you could ever dream of.