This might come as a surprise to some of you, but I am not a perfect person.

Shocker, right?

I love Jesus, and I am so thankful for my freedom in Him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with sin. I can be short-tempered, and I have a penchant for over-reaction. Sometimes I have a hard time forgiving people when I’ve been hurt. I don’t always love my neighbor. And I certainly don’t always do the things the Holy Spirit tells me to do.

My biggest struggle, however, is with control.

I am a CONTROL. FREAK.

Yep, hardcore Type-A personality right here. In some ways, it’s a good thing. I am extremely organized and self-motivated, which are imperative skills for working mothers who are trying to juggle all the demands of their job and home. It’s also good for someone who works from home, without a boss always checking in on their progress. My home–my life–is, for the most part, neat and well-ordered.

Just the way I like it.

The problem is that I don’t live my life in a bubble. And no matter how hard I work to keep my life running smoothly, I will inevitably “bump up” against others who have different goals, ambitions, and ways of living than I do. And, try as I might, I cannot control other people.

Therein lies the issue.

So much of the anxiety and fear that I experience in my life comes from this impotence I have at not being able to control other people and/or every situation. And while anxiety and fear are not sins in themselves, the ROOT of them in this case is. Because, when it comes down to it, they are arising out of my lack of trust in God.

You see, my attempts at trying to control things around me come about because, deep down, I don’t trust anyone else to do it for me–not even God. I don’t trust that anyone else will put my interests first. Though I may never say it out loud, I believe I have to control the things around me because I want my way, and I know better than anyone, including God. I know best.

It’s a shameful thing to admit that level of pride. But it’s true.

And I believe I’m not alone in my struggle with this. Not today….and not thousands of years ago, either.

All the way back in Genesis, we see God’s call on Abram (later to be called Abraham): “…Go out from your land, your relatives, and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, I will bless you, I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, I will curse anyone who treats you with contempt, and all the peoples on earth will be blessed through you” (Genesis 12: 1-3).

The interesting thing about these verses is that God doesn’t tell Abram, “Hey, go here” and then give exact GPS coordinates (because, well, there wasn’t any GPS!) No, He says, go “to the land I will show you.” This required tremendous trust on Abram’s part, to begin a journey without knowing the destination. I’m sure I’m projecting here, but I can’t help but wonder if Abram suffered from control issues too, and this was God’s way of walking him through it. Because, not only did Abram have God’s promises of blessing, he also had something else–the promise of God’s presence. If God was going to show him the way, then God was going to have to come along with him, right?

And that’s one of the things God has been trying to teach me as I wrestle with this sin of control: our God is way more interested in the journey than He is the destination.

We may not be on a physical expedition like Abram was, but all of us are on a trip through this life without any real sense of what each day will bring. If we trust in Jesus, we have assurance of our final destination, yes, but we don’t know exactly what this journey will look like. This can cause a lot of fear and anxiety….or it can be a lesson in trust. I can spend every moment trying to control the people and circumstances around me OR I can use it as an opportunity to surrender to the God who is walking right alongside me.

Just as God led Abram to where he was supposed to go, God is with each one of us, using the events of our lives to grow our faith and closeness to Him. If we knew where we were going and could control every single aspect of that path, what reason would we need for faith? What would be the point of faith?

Our God is a God of the journey. It’s where He patiently and lovingly walks beside us, teaching us. Growing us. Shaping us into His image. So long as we cede the illusion of control and allow Him.

I still struggle with control issues. There are times I can still feel myself clinging to my pride. But I also feel the gentle touch of my Heavenly Father loosening my grip on myself…and directing it onto Him.

He is so good, friends. So very, very good.